Brainworks® - Bullying Has Become a Crisis
Bullying Has Become a Crisis
"Until there's a public commitment and action to back that commitment,
an antibullying policy is only words on paper."
- Tim Field
| ASK THE EXPERT |
Question:
My son is in middle school. He is small for his age, rather shy and impulsive. He says the same group of guys bully him every day. Because he has ADHD, he has become a good target. Apparently my son is taunted until he retaliates. Then the bully or bullies retreat so my son is caught in the act of retaliating and takes the brunt of the punishment. I'm concerned that these frequent attacks can damage him permanently, or he will end up being a bully himself. What can I do to help my son?
Answer:
I'm sure you feel very alone, but you can equip yourself with knowledge. Bullying has become an epidemic. Here are some statistics you need to know and to use to your advantage as you fight for your child because the problem can get worse. (See CHADD article "The Bully Cycle and ADHD" by Joan Teach, PhD.)
- Bullying is the number one reason for school absenteeism in the United States and is closely linked to teen depression and suicide.
- A Harvard study of high school students says:
- 96% of the students have been bullied in their lives.
- 85% have witnessed bullying.
- 46% refuse to go to extracurricular activities because of the bullies being present.
- Other studies report that 282,000 students are physically attacked in their secondary schools each month.
- 2% of students commit suicide after being consistently bullied.
- At least one event of bullying occurs every 7 minutes.
- Adults intervene only 4% of the time.
- Peers intervene 11% of the time.
- Victims are left to fend for themselves 85% of the time.
If you really want this to stop, you need to learn how to become a person that can make a change for your child while helping others. A group of 3 - 5 parents can bring about change. One parent alone has very little chance. Spend the time to find out the names of other children that are being bullied and also get the names of the bullies. Believe it or not, you need to include both sets of parents (the bullies' and the victims') and their children in your group.
Invite these parents for coffee to discuss the bullying problem and what can be done. If you don't feel comfortable having the meeting in your home, have it at the school or a local church. Those parents that show up will become your core group. (When I sent out a mailer to parents to discuss drug addiction on my son's football team, I planned on 20 attending, but 200 people came! I was glad we were meeting at the school.) Next, as a group, go to the principal to let him or her know that you are forming a group to fight bullying in your school. You need to have the principal and counselors on board. Be friendly, but firm.
Let the principal know you are researching programs that could make a difference. I would recommend Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. Do your homework. The strength of this program is that it encourages the witnesses to speak up and stand up for the victim. It trains students by role-play and interactive activities. The whole community gets involved. Each school has, I think, two days of training.
Brainworks uses two books (Teenage Connection and Confidence Power) that work on building self-esteem to prevent bullying. They both have a questioning format to get at the core of the person's value system. We have discovered that once you like who you are, you are less likely to be bullied.
I have learned that all school districts will say they can't afford new projects. That is when your group can have a fundraising drive or find corporate sponsors. You need to give the impression that you are not going to go away! Go before the school board and present your proposal. Invite the superintendent to one of your meetings or bring your core group to his or her office. From my experience, to get the best results, your core group needs to meet weekly until you see change happening. It takes energy and time to bring about change.
The only way you can change the bullying cycle is by working together and having the whole school actively involved. I know the satisfaction of making a difference in my child's life and in the lives of others. Your child is worth it too! Bullying has reached epidemic numbers. In the time it took you to read this article, two students were bullied. That is two too many.
Next topic: How To Become Bully Proof
