Brainworks® - Life Changing Behavior Series - Part 3: Learn How to Make and Keep Friends

Life Changing Behavior Series

Part 3 of 6: Learn How to Make and Keep Friends

"A friend is a present you give yourself."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Why are friendships important?

  1. To develop self-confidence, your mind needs regular feedback from peers who can give you unconditional love - they will be with you no matter what.
  2. Your friends need to offer you tough love - tell you what you need to hear even when the truth hurts.

What are the 6 initial steps needed to establish a new friendship?

  1. Listening to what is being said around you is a way to find an individual who shares a common interest. Make an effort to understand what is being said.
  2. Asking a question about the shared interest is a great way to start a conversation. This is an opportunity to learn more...about the interest and about the person. Changing the current topic being discussed may not build an immediate connection with that person.
  3. Follow-up questions (after the person responds) will let the other person know that you are interested in keeping the conversations going.
  4. Common interest found! Now is the time to share the fact that you have a common interest with this person. Ex: "We both like WWII stories."
  5. Sharing experiences together is what builds a friendship. Target the conversation toward a time when you both could visit a museum, play a video game, etc. Spending time together is not only enjoyable, but it also results in bonding the friendship.
  6. Golden Rule works every time. Treat your new and old friends as you want them to treat you.

Ask the Expert

Question

My son seems to be able to make friends, but not keep them. They all just stop calling or coming over, and he says he has no clue why the friendships ended. What can I do to help my son?

Answer

Maybe your son has forgotten the 10 basic courtesies of relationships. Lets see.

  1. Eye Contact: Look the person in the eye as you talk and lean toward him or her as you have a conversation and/or listen.
  2. Tone of Voice: Speak in a pleasant tone of voice with a smile on your face.
  3. Thank you: Saying thank you when someone does something nice for you or gives you a compliment shows appreciation.
  4. Compliments: Look for ways to compliment a potential or current friend.
  5. Apologies: Apologize when you might have hurt a friend's feelings.
  6. Teasing: Be cautious about teasing a peer. It can backfire.
  7. Good Sport: Be a good sport. If you lose, congratulate the winner. If you win, be gracious.
  8. Being polite: The guest is always right. Be polite to your guest.
  9. Ranking Friends: Rank your friends based on important qualities like being nice, making you laugh, listening to you rather than who is popular.
  10. Two-Way Relationship: Create a safe two-way relationship, so you can share not only the good times, but also the not-so-good ones.

Practice. Practice. Practice. Friendships take effort to maintain, but they are worth it.

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