Brainworks® - Life Changing Behavior Series - Part 5: Six Truths to Learn About Making Mistakes
Life Changing Behavior Series
Part 5 of 6: Six Truths to Learn About Making Mistakes
"It is not our mistakes that define who we are; it is how we recover from those mistakes."
- Bo Bennet
- Avoid being a perfectionist.
- A perfectionist is driven by "fear of failure."
- Someone striving for excellence is driven by a "desire for success."
- Being afraid to make a mistake will create a mental barrier for taking risks.
- Learn to apologize for hurting someone's feelings.
- Quickly admit when you are wrong.
- Explore what you can do to prevent the same problem from occurring again.
- A sincere apology can go a long way to restore trust.
- Don't dwell on the mistake; move forward and let it go!
- Accept that the mistake was made and can't be changed.
- Think about what you can learn from the mistake.
- How could you have avoided the mistake in the first place?
- What is in place to ensure the mistake does not reoccur?
- How can you help someone else avoid making the same mistake?
- Don't waste time trying to justify mistakes.
- Our natural instinct is to try to justify our actions.
- People are rarely interested in excuses.
- Understand why the mistake pattern is repeating.
- Did it happen when you were angry? Do you need to work on anger management?
- Did it happen because you were overwhelmed? Would you benefit from learning new ways to relax?
- Did it happen because of a bad habit? Can you change the habit and avoid making the same mistake?
- Discover that mistakes are opportunities to learn.
- You can gain wisdom and self-confidence from analyzing mistakes.
- You may discover a new strategy for the future.
- Even though you didn't get the exact result you wanted, at least you tried.
| ASK THE EXPERT |
Question
My school choir was holding auditions for a solo in our fall concert. I practiced day and night for weeks; but when the audition was held, I was so scared that I froze. My voice came out all squeaky and off-key. Several of the other students laughed at me and I got angry. I yelled at them for being so mean to me, and I ran off the stage crying. Now I am embarrassed whenever I see any of them at school, and I can't face my teacher. What can I do now?
Answer:
You are learning very important lessons about making mistakes: You tried something that did not go well. Your mistake would be never to try a solo again knowing that your teacher knows you have talent. The mistake is usually less important than what you do after making the mistake. Let's apply the 6 Truths to Learn about Making Mistakes to help you get out of this situation.
- Perfectionist? Did you expect the audition to go perfectly? Did a fear of failure get in the way of your doing your best? Don't let this experience stop you from trying again. Go to your choir teacher and ask if you can audition again.
- Apologizing to the teacher and the students for yelling at them will help you. Even though your classmates were cruel to laugh at you, if you will apologize for yelling at them, you will feel better and help heal those relationships. (You might have even laughed at someone else under the same circumstances.)
- Accept that your audition went badly and learn from it. Do you need more experience singing a solo in front of others? To approach the next audition with a less "fear driven" attitude, practice singing in front of friends or family members until you feel more comfortable.
- Wasting time trying to to justify your audition and your emotional outburst is simply that - a waste of time. Apologize with no excuses. "I apologize for yelling at you when you laughed at my squeaky voice during the audition. Now that I think about it, it did sound funny."
- Understanding why you froze and got angry can help you avoid repeating this mistake. Examine how you prepared for the audition. Did you get stressed from too much practice? Were you angry with your classmates or yourself? Have you been in a similar situation and experienced the same result?
- Discover the lessons you can learn from this experience. Explore different strategies for the next audition. Taking deep breaths might calm you before singing. If your peers laugh again, count to 10 before reacting to your classmates. (This really does work.) This delay may give you time to compose yourself or to think of a snappy or even funny comeback. Finally, look at what you accomplished. Even though the audition did not turn out like you wanted, you tried. Stand tall and be proud of yourself! Try again.
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