Brainworks® - Carla's Pearls of Wisdom to Parents Part 1: 1 through 5
Carla's Pearls of Wisdom to Parents
Part 1: 1 through 5
"When a child with ADHD receives a drop or two of praise, it's like rain in the desert."
- Dr. Edward Hollowell
- Train the child to fly from the nest. From day one, your job is to train the child to be able to survive on his or her own. This means you need to teach decision- making early by giving two choices, not several. This act gives the child self-confidence and a feeling of independence within limits.
- Teach children how to learn from mistakes. They need to discover strategies that will work for them so as not to repeat the same mistakes. Don’t be tempted to rescue them on a regular basis. They need to know how to fail and bounce back. Remember how you got excited when your child was learning to walk? You encouraged her to get up and try again even if she cried when she fell down. You helped her keep her eye on the prize –– walking solo.
- Teach the child to become a responsible person. Give the child age appropriate chores with consequences if they are not done without being reminded. At first you have to show him how. Make a game out of it. Try to put all the toys in the basket before the song is finished. Doing chores is the foundation of building trust in the family unit.
- Discipline the child with dignity and respect. Provide limited choices and rules that are based on mutual respect and cooperation.
- If you are too strict and don’t give choices, the child does not learn decision-making. This fear-based discipline results in rebellious teenagers with low self-esteem.
- If you want to be your child’s best friend (permissive discipline) with unlimited choices to make the child happy, you get a teenager that is manipulative, spoiled, and someone who can’t tolerate frustration. These teens blame others for their problems, and they don’t understand consequences for their behaviors. Yes, they also have low self-esteem.
- It takes more effort to be firm with dignity and respect, but you get a child with high self-esteem who is self-disciplined, responsible, honest, a good problem solver, someone who understands cooperation, and treats others with dignity and respect.
- Praise a child for effort if you want to motivate the child. If your child is very smart or talented and is told constantly how smart or talented he is, it could backfire. He may believe in a "fixed mindset;" life should be easy. If he has to work at the task, he must not be smart or talented anymore. This way of thinking can be traumatic when he encounters someone smarter or more talented. Children who are praised for their efforts choose to pursue more challenging tasks that they can learn from. They can remain confident and engaged even after a setback.
Next topic: Carla's Pearls of Wisdom for Parents (Part 2: 6 through 10)
